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We talked to "Dylan" and "Tanya," two full-time casino security experts. They told us that Dylan has seen compulsive gamblers occupy the craps table for 28 hours straight.

Over at the slot machines, security will prod awake sleeping gamblers so no one robs them, and because sleeping patrons mean lost revenue , who then immediately return to playing.

And when the fire alarm goes off? The slot players keep pulling. And even with the alarm blaring and the dealers leaving, the table players stay put, wanting to keep their spot.

See, there is a reason casinos play looping, nondescript music instead of songs: Casinos have no windows; windows show the sun moving.

Casinos have no clocks. The goal is to suspend you in a timeless void in which there is only the next hand or the next spin at the roulette wheel forever.

Search for the exit, and twisted hallways send you right back to where you started, or to a different casino floor. So they moved machines around to capitalize on this and ended up squeezing a whole new chunk of money out of the lady customers.

But our second source, Tanya who runs surveillance at a tribal casino in Washington says her joint does let addicts "self-bar. One signer came back so many times that Tanya, honoring their agreement, had him arrested.

But the places have a demand and supply of paid sex, leading the surveillance team to play gleeful games of Spot the Hooker.

This is entertainment for them, much like spying on elevator sex or watching drunken patrons hump walls. The exception is when a sex worker and her client fail to leave the premises before completing the transaction.

Arthritic Old Man, cruelly, will often not pull up his pants before leaving the vehicle. We mentioned that Tanya is at a tribal casino in Washington.

Meth is also illegal on the reservation, to the surprise of no guests at all, but tweekers still come in droves.

Casino machines issue penny tickets -- low-value vouchers that you can play with or cash in -- and tweekers crawl on the floor searching for ones players might have dropped.

Tweekers also steal, which is a step past panhandling by most counts. These addicts look for wallets and purses players leave out in the open -- Dylan says players do this all the time, stupidly assuming that the hidden cameras will protect them.

Tanya repeatedly finds discarded purses in the bathroom, along with needles, foil, and other assorted drug swag. And the soldiers there gladly hemorrhage away their paychecks at the nearest money sink.

Another target is retirees, and Tanya would feel sorry for them Instead, the casinos actively seek out the elderly with senior discounts for side stuff like the buffet.

The buffet is of course designed to run at a loss, knowing that your expected gambling losses far exceed what the buffet costs to run. Pop culture loves stories of ingenious schemes to cheat casinos involving teams of slick operators and at least one autistic genius.

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The buffet is of course designed to run at a loss, knowing that your expected gambling losses far exceed what the buffet costs to run.

Pop culture loves stories of ingenious schemes to cheat casinos involving teams of slick operators and at least one autistic genius.

In real life, most cheating schemes are something a child could have come up with. So a few years ago, Dylan got kind of suspicious when roulette players at his casino actually seemed to be winning.

It turned out that the place was being hit by a member organized cheating ring, as he finally figured out after an investigation and four arrests.

The method was almost disappointing: And their aprons must cover their waistline, lest they try hiding their chips somewhere more intimate.

The worst thing that can happen is them asking you to leave, and maybe notifying other casinos. You can usually even keep the money you won, depending on whether you crossed the line between "cleverly gaining an advantage" and "outright theft.

Dylan has dealt with two corpses. One was a man who left the bathroom on the way back to the table and then collapsed, the other a slot machine player who slumped over and fell out of his chair.

Of course, people can die anywhere, but in most places, it causes kind of a stir. At the casino, the other patrons went on walking around or over the bodies on the way to the next game.

Because acting differently changes your luck. The autopsies said "stroke" and "heart attack," and not "death by keno" or "shot by a one-armed bandit," so the casino might not feel too guilty about those incidents.

Other deaths are a little more directly connected with gambling. He drove in, went straight to the top, and jumped headfirst. Tanya has had to wind up talking down suicidal customers herself; once, she had a long talk and a cry with a woman whose gambling losses topped off a whole string of problems, from abusive relationships to her husband leaving her for a teenager.

That woman still comes to gamble now and again, which, believe it or not, led her to find a new boyfriend: Ryan Menezes is an editor and interviewer here at Cracked.

Follow him on Twitter for stuff cut from articles and other things no one should see. Security jobs are pretty odd across the board.

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Link Existing Cracked Account. Use My Facebook Avatar. Add me to the weekly Newsletter. And two points for Arthritic Old Man. Recommended For Your Pleasure.

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